You’ve separated, you’re trying to work out arrangements for the kids, and someone tells you, “You’ll need to go to mediation first.” But what does that actually involve?
It’s normal to feel uneasy about it. You may be worried about sitting across from your former partner, saying the wrong thing, or agreeing to something you don’t fully understand.
The good news is that mediation follows a fairly predictable pattern. Below, we explain what mediation is, when it’s required, and what usually happens before, during and after a session, so you know what to expect when you walk in (or log on).
What is family law mediation?
Mediation is a process where an independent third person, the mediator who has both knowledge and experience in assisting parties in family law matters, helps you and your former partner try to reach agreement. It can cover parenting arrangements, financial matters, or both.
In family law, you’ll often hear the term family dispute resolution (FDR). FDR is a specific type of mediation, run by a registered Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner (FDRP). It’s the type of mediation that’s usually required before a court will hear your matter.
The key thing to know is that the mediator doesn’t make decisions for you. Any agreement is made by the two of you. The mediator’s job is to give the conversation structure and help you find common ground.
Mediation should, in most circumstances, occur before court proceedings start, and can occur again after they’ve already begun.
Is mediation compulsory?
Yes, you must attempt family dispute resolution before you can apply to the court for parenting orders.
There are limited exceptions to the requirement to attend mediation, these can include:
- family violence or child abuse, or a risk of either
- urgency
- where a person can’t take part in mediation effectively, for example because of incapacity or distance
- applications for consent orders, where both people already agree
If one of these applies to you, it’s worth getting legal advice early, as a lawyer can explain whether an exemption applies and what that means for your matter.
What happens before mediation?
Most of the groundwork happens before you and your former partner are in the same session.
Intake and assessment
The mediator or service will usually meet with each person separately first. This is a chance for them to understand the issues, explain how the process works, and check whether mediation is suitable and safe.
As one example, the Law Society of NSW’s Family Law Settlement Service includes a preliminary conference and preparation time of one hour per person before the mediation itself.
How to prepare
You’ll get more out of mediation if you arrive organised. It can help to:
- gather documents about your finances, such as bank statements, superannuation statements, loan documents and recent tax returns
- make a list of assets and debts, including any held in one person’s name only
- think about a practical parenting schedule, including school days, weekends, holidays and special occasions
- write down what matters most to you, and where you’re willing to be flexible
- get legal advice beforehand, so you understand your rights and what a fair outcome could look like
What happens on the day?
Every mediator runs things a little differently, but most sessions follow a similar pattern:
- Opening. The mediator explains their role, the ground rules and how the session will run.
- Each person’s view. You each get a chance to explain what’s important to you, without interruption.
- Setting the agenda. The mediator lists the issues that need to be worked through, such as where the children will live or how the house will be dealt with.
- Exploring options. You discuss possible solutions. The mediator may ask questions to test how an option would work in practice.
- Private sessions. The mediator may speak with each of you separately. This gives you space to think, talk openly or get advice from your lawyer.
- Wrapping up. If you reach an agreement, the terms are written down. If you only agree on some issues, those are recorded and the rest are noted as unresolved.
Who attends?
Usually it’s you, your former partner and the mediator. If you have a lawyer, they can come with you, although this isn’t essential. In some matters, an independent lawyer for the children may also be present.
In person, online or shuttle mediation
Mediation doesn’t always mean sitting in the same room. Meditations can occur online.
You and your former partner do not have to see or speak to each other directly to participate in mediation. Shuttle mediation, has the mediator moving between you and passes on each person’s views and proposals. This can be done in person or online. This format is often used where there are safety concerns, a high level of conflict or to ensure that there is not a power imbalance between the parties.
If you’re worried about your safety, tell the mediator or service during intake so they can plan the right format.
How long does mediation take?
It depends on how many issues there are and how complex they are. Some services, such as the Law Society of NSW’s Family Law Settlement Service fees cover a three-hour mediation session, with extra time charged hourly. Other private mediators provide for half day or full day conference rates. Some matters settle in one session, others need more time.
What the mediator does (and doesn’t do)
A mediator is neutral. They don’t take sides, and they don’t decide who is right or what the outcome should be.
They will:
- keep the discussion focused and respectful
- help each person understand the other’s position
- help you test whether a proposed arrangement would work in practice
They won’t:
- make decisions for you
- give either of you legal advice about your own situation
Before you choose a mediator, check that they are registered with the Commonwealth Attorney-General’s Department as a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner.
Is mediation confidential?
Generally, what is said in family dispute resolution is confidential and can’t be used as evidence in court, with some exceptions, such as disclosures about child abuse or a risk of harm.
What happens after mediation?
If you reach agreement
There are two main ways to record an agreement:
For parenting matters:
- Parenting plan. A written, signed and dated agreement between you. It’s flexible and easy to change, but it isn’t legally enforceable.
- Consent orders. You can ask the court to make your agreement into formal orders. Once made, they are legally binding.
For Property matters:
- Binding Financial Agreement. A written, signed and dated agreement between you. It requires specific steps to be undertaken and the parties to receive independent legal advice.
- Consent orders. You can ask the court to make your agreement into formal orders. Once made, they are legally binding. Parties tend to favour Consent Orders for matters which involve both parenting and property matters as they can both be finalised in the same document.
Getting advice before you sign anything is a good idea and in fact may be required, so as to ensure that you understand exactly what you’re agreeing to and whether it will be binding.
If you don’t reach agreement
Not every mediation ends in agreement, and that’s not a failure on your part. Sometimes the issues are too complex, or one person isn’t ready to compromise.
The mediator can issue a section 60I certificate. You’ll generally need this certificate before you are able to commence proceedings in court.
What is a section 60I certificate?
A section 60I certificate is issued by a registered Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner. It records what happened with the attempt at mediation. The certificate may state that:
- the other person didn’t attend
- you both attended and made a genuine effort, but couldn’t resolve the issues
- one or both of you didn’t make a genuine effort
- the practitioner decided mediation wasn’t appropriate, either before it started or part way through
The certificate matters because the court can take it into account.
How much does mediation cost?
Costs vary depending on who runs the mediation and how long it takes. A few NSW options:
| Service | Cost | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Legal Aid NSW Family Dispute Resolution Service | No charge to attend | Either you or the other person must have a grant of legal aid for the family law matter. Call LawAccess NSW on 1300 888 529 to find out how to apply. |
| Law Society of NSW Family Law Settlement Service | $1,200 per person | Covers the mediator’s fee ($1,000) and an administration fee ($200). Includes the preliminary conference and a three-hour session. Venue hire, if needed, is shared. |
| Relationships Australia NSW and other community services | Varies | Fees are often based on income. |
| Private Family Dispute Resolution Practitioners | Varies | Usually charged hourly or per session or based on half or full day set rates. |
Fees shown are current as at September 2026 and may change. If you have a lawyer attending with you, their fees are separate.
Do you need a lawyer at mediation?
No, it isn’t required. Many people attend mediation without a lawyer in the room.
That said, legal advice can still be useful at different points:
- Before mediation: to understand your rights, what’s realistic and what a fair outcome could look like
- During mediation: a lawyer can attend with you, or be available by phone during private sessions
- After mediation: to review proposed terms before you sign, and to prepare consent orders if you want the agreement to be binding
How much legal support you need depends on your situation. Some people want a lawyer beside them throughout, others only want a check of the final terms.
What this means for you
- Mediation is a conversation, not a court hearing. No one will make a decision for you, and you stay in control of what you agree to.
- Preparation makes a difference. Knowing your finances and your priorities before you arrive helps you negotiate with confidence.
- You have options if you feel unsafe. Online and shuttle mediation mean you don’t have to be in the same room as your former partner.
- No agreement isn’t the end. You may have been able to narrow the issues in contention and reach a part agreement. This can provide you a position to negotiate the outstanding issues or, you may not have been able to reach an agreement at all. A section 60I certificate will allow you to take the next step and commence proceedings if required.
Frequently asked questions
Can I bring a support person?
It depends on the mediator or service, and on whether the other person agrees. Ask about this during intake.
What if I feel unsafe around my former partner?
Tell the mediator or service as early as possible. They can arrange online or shuttle mediation, stagger arrival and departure times, or decide that mediation isn’t appropriate. If there’s family violence, you may be exempt from the requirement to attend.
Can mediation cover both parenting and property?
Yes. You can deal with parenting arrangements, property and finances in the same mediation, or separately.
Is mediation the same as a settlement?
Not quite. Mediation is the process of working through your issues with a neutral mediator. A settlement is an agreement that resolves those issues. Mediation often leads to a settlement, but not always, and you may settle some issues and not others.
You might also hear the term “property settlement”. This refers to dividing assets and debts after separation. It’s one of the issues mediation can help with, rather than a separate process.
What if the other person won’t attend?
The practitioner can issue a section 60I certificate stating that the other person didn’t attend. You can then apply to the court.
Is a mediated agreement legally binding?
Not automatically. To make an agreement binding, it usually needs to be formalised, for example through consent orders.
Questions about your situation?
Every family is different, and general information can only go so far. If you’d like to talk through what mediation could look like for you, our family law team is here for a confidential chat, whether you’re in Penrith or elsewhere in NSW.
This article provides general information only and is not legal advice. For advice about your circumstances, please speak with a lawyer.
